I Live With a Woman

I have made a disturbing discovery. This discovery was groundbreaking. Life-shattering. My world was turned upside down. Right now I'm confused and scared and don't really know what to do. You see, I found out that my roommate is actually a woman. All this time, I thought he was a so-called "manly man." The problem is, I'm locked into my lease, and so is he/she. I could use your prayers.

It all began Saturday night. The Third Annual Girls Slumber Party was taking place next door. Some of the guys decided they would dress up like women and crash the party. Kind of sick, but mildly funny. I wasn't really worried about my roomie at that point, though. I just thought it was a silly little prank.

Move ahead to Sunday night. This is when my suspicions were aroused. He put the skirt back on. Not only that, he was trying it on in different ways; as a normal skirt, as a tube top, as saggy pants. I was becoming a confused young man. So I locked him outside in his skirt. I guess he wasn't ready to go public with his secret, because he freaked out.

All doubts were removed today. I thought it would be funny to put on my Spooky Sounds CD. We didn't get through the first track before he began to get creeped out. By track two he was lying in his bed under his sheets. So, naturally, I went outside and banged on his window. The ensuing scream could NOT have come from a man's lips.

I love you Junk.

Just Who Is That Girl?

Many of you have asked me, "Who is this Rita Stevens, this woman of mystery?"
Others have expressed interest for the purpose of gossip and water-cooler talk. Some have offered congratulations, but more have conveyed surprise. After all, why would a woman with such a legacy, one who’s credentials precedes her so, one who has impacted so many people, go out with Ryan? Even those people, however, are still a bit curious about that one thing. Who is Rita Stevens, really? The fact is, not a large number of people know. To most, she is but a legend.

Because of the intrigue surrounding the subject, I have decided to help you poor curious souls in your quest for truth. So again I remind you of your question...

Who is Rita Stevens?

As an officially certified computer geek, the first place I turn when I need information is my trusty friend the internet.



According to Google, Rita Stevens is the author of a book about Madagascar, a realtor in the beautiful city of Silver Springs, a Mariachi singer, and a witness in Alaska Federation of Natives, Human Resources Committee v. The State of Alaska.



While this information might help if one was doing research for a middle school paper on “What is Rita Stevens,” it doesn’t help us much in discovering the wonderful woman I just got through spending the summer with in Chicago and who now lives next door.



When I can’t find what I want on the internet, I usually turn next to asking my friends. So, I made some phone calls.

“What do you think of when I say ‘Rita Stevens’?”

- “A great maker of disciples.”
- “Hott.”
- “You mean your girlfriend?”
- “Myyy Rittaaaa…”
- “She’s an awesome DT leader.”- “I hear you talk about her all the time, but I’ve never met her.”
- “When I went to OU I always got her confused with Debbie Adams.”
- “I read her book, Madagascar. It talks all about this island in Africa. Kind of boring though. Oh, not that Rita Stevens?”
- "Oh yeah! She's cool!"
- “You should have seen her in Germany, she’s so selfless. She really has a heart for God. “
- “How’d you land that catch?”



I think we are getting closer now. I think it’s time for a picture search.

I don’t know where any of that got us, but I’m now going to tell you what I know.
Rita Stevens is beautiful. When I use that word, I use it very inclusively. 1 Peter 3 describes a woman of true beauty. That beauty comes not from outward adornment, jewelry, or clothes, but from “the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.” It also describes the purity and reverence of her life. Now, not only is my girlfriend incredibly pretty, she also has that internal beauty Peter describes. In addition, she is funny, zealous, looked-up-to, courageous, smart, fun, prepared, trusting, patient, trustworthy, wise, joyful, great listener, kind, faithful, hard worker, gentle, pure, teachable, a seeker of knowledge and wisdom, sweet, self-controlled, sought-after, awesome. And beautiful.